a year and change (the myspace blogs part 1)
to anyone i’ve ever hurt or wronged…
Current mood: 
contemplative
really.
i’m sorry.
futurist percussive
Current mood: 
indifferent
Sizzle mop
Crunch down
Safety net
Hot! Hot! Hot!
Void.
suicide rebirth
Current mood: 
awake
neck
meet
chopping block
meet
guillotine
head bone’s
connected to the
sky bone
old you must die
so old you can live on
there is no new
happiness
is for those
who don’t know
they’re unhappy
i dug a hole
then threw me in
i’m looking down
i’m throwing dirt on me
i’m looking up
i’m covered in dirt
i’m watching from a distance
laughing my ass off
at the ongoing antics
of me
and me
there is a place
there is a time
there is a space
where is my mind?
buildings will fall
figure out which way
the wind is blowing
and stand
on the opposite side
drinking and thriving
Current mood: 
drunk
“heard you were sad”
that’s absurd, dad
stray dog
grey fog
i mistook you for god
early late
it’s surely fate
hate feels great
wait
mem’ries
corner o’ my mind
leave what’s behind
behind
live in past
give in fast
forgive
sin
crash
feel like bukowski
control freak
withhold
sneak
drink too long
think too strong
blink
true?
wrong
i should stop drinking
or writing
or both
good kinda
could finda
way
should
haven’t worn green in years
feels good
looks okay
fall out, boy
crawl out
enjoy
second thought
best thought
screw you, jack
glassjaw
fast draw
yours is quicker
pour me another
or just give me the bottle
whatever’s easier
look what i found
it’s pretty
and shiny
it’s pretty shiny
surgeon general’s warning
quitting smoking now
greatly reduces serious
risks to your health
he’s not inspired
he’s not a liar
he’s just tired
everyone’s rooting
for someone
to win
someone always wins
6:02 am
no
6:03 am
no
eyes moving
tie shoestrings
around nothing
lol
april fool
“hey idiot…it’s august”
oh
painted toes
tainted woes
can’t just
stress in peace
two dead bodies
too dead probably
hard to move
pink novelty glasses
on my face
booya
watch found
in a box
in a garage
with no door
there
the crevass
fill it
with your mighty juuuuuuice
fin
“thumbs down”
Current mood: 
cold
than what i am to ya’ll there
whoever came up with the saying
“all’s fair in love in war”
never met the cast of this film
the audience’ll never be the same
after this film
this killjoy of a story
is way too gory
for the youngsters
who may even find it boring
‘cause when it rains it’s pouring
but when the characters
are all down on their luck
it gets dry as fuck
‘relying on luck - a film about truth’
rated r
coming soon to a theatre near you
“it’s a new way of lookin
at an old way of thinkin…
thumbs up”, says roeper
but when you ask ebert
he says he’s “seen it all before
and done better
the performances are great
and the dialogue is clever
but the story never takes off
it stays in the one town”
it left him disappointed
so he gave it a “thumbs down”
asshole
Current mood: 
nauseated
snake
slithers,
hungrily,
on
life’s
envelope.
always
struggling;
sucking
half
of
love’s
energy.
animals
sometimes
suffer;
happy
ones
live
elsewhere.
always
saying
something;
he’s
ordinarily
loud
enough.
arrogance
sometimes
squanders
heart,
oversimplifying
large
equations.
and
she
said…
hang
onto
lowered
expectations.
arm leg leg arm head
Current mood: 
numb
i’m bout to drink an 18-pack and fall on my face
and when i wake up tomorrow in the middle of the afternoon
i hope it isn’t on the floor in my bathroom
i pass through walls but get stuck in between
sometimes a body part sticks out
it’s a helluva scene
arm leg leg arm head
fuck
i’m a headfuck
fuckin with your head
and you’ve had enough
sad thing is i could be talkin to many people
that thought they knew me
but i can’t think of any people
that think they still got the slightest idea
after everything i’ve done in the past couple of years
i’m on my fourth beer
and i’m startin to not feel
reality’s a little more fun
when it’s not real
i’m not healed
but the medicine’s workin
now onto becomin a better person…
it’s cold in here
Current mood: 
pessimistic
well now i’m forcin a lot more
forcin myself to be certain
when i’m not sure
it’s rainin pretty hard
i wonder how long it’ll take me
before it’s all a puddle of mud
and she fuckin hates me
this may be the worst year of my life
and that’s sayin a whole lot
the show stopped
i wasted the whole crop
i know not what i’m doin
but i pretend to
doin everything that i can
to put an end to…
the things that i’m really not ready to lose (my mind?)
i’m just a rookie tryin to fit into some veteran shoes
i know i said i would choose
but everytime that i try
it only takes a couple days
before the well runs dry
and i start thinkin again
and i start drinkin again
and everything that i just started anew
comes to an end (again)
my family thinks i’m crazy
and i lost all my friends
next time somebody asks if i’m fine
i might not pretend
…i won’t ask you to understand anymore…you either…or even you in the studio audience…simply because i don’t even understand…there’s no one in control here…the driver’s asleep at the wheel…i’m sorry…really…
self own
Current mood: 
anxious
buttons
click
sidetracked
shivering a little
restless
look at me
in my own little world
with my own little worldly possessions
wonder if i have
enough in my bank account
for a bottle of wine
uncle fester
Current mood: 
drained
your winter
no climbing
fish out of water
there’s iced tea and soda
and spoiled milk
there’s a
hole in
the drum
is it warmer in here?
or is it
just me?
i’m that guy
your friends warned
you about
i didn’t mean it
really
it just happened
it’s easy to get
down on yourself
when all you can do is
down yourself
with nothing to look at
he sees now
spotty future
shotty furniture
waiting for this chair to break
broken mirror pieces
reminders
used as decoration
act before think
think about act
this is so silly
i want to lift this whole thing up
and vacuum underneath it
this song makes me want to
kill
myself
“do i have to put you on suicide watch, dog?”
nah, man
i don’t believe in such an act
i don’t need a watchdog
let me
just fester
in the purgatory
the simpsons
Current mood: 
okay
while i pour
hold it steady
many long hours
have passed
many long hours
to go
my face is scratched
and itchy
from stroking my beard
so hard
and so often
my life
a public affair
can’t just take the show off
when the ratings are this high
i’m not seinfeld
i’m gonna run this bitch
into the ground
then release a movie
that people could
care less about
like the simpsons
sub stance
Current mood: ..://x.myspace.com/images/blog/moods/iBrads/groggy.gif” align=”absmiddle”> groggy
keep on
til the break of dawn
it’s not far away
they’ve already come
to empty
the dumpsters
they were earlier than usual today
if i was human
their daily routine might
wake me up
but i am not
i didn’t have any coffee today
i didn’t have any alcohol either
wait
i had like a half a shot of captain morgan
that doesn’t count tho
i can’t wait until i wake up tomorrow
then go back to sleep
then wake up again
and go get coffee
i don’t care
Current mood: 
apathetic
the sun is shining
you don’t even need to wear a jacket
your rent is overdue
you have a warrant out for your arrest somewhere
your cat wants to play fetch
you’re out of toilet paper
you’re out of tissues and paper towels as well
you have no clean clothes
people are talking about you
you owe hospital bills
your kitchen is quite dirty
there are producers you owe songs to
you smoke too much
you drink too much
you eat too much
you think too much
you have no lock for your bike
people think you’re crazy
your blogs are rambling and unfinished and leave much to be desired
wonderland
Current mood: 
indescribable
no you don’t
you need a mindless zombie
who doesn’t mind
prolonged solitary confinement
with nothing to do
and with no means
of keeping themselves entertained
without getting yelled at
like a little child
for trying to do so
“what kind of nazi hippies do you work for, dude?”
i’m not sure
but i don’t work for them anymore
i was on my way there to quit
when i walked in, they “let me go”
i thank them
wholeheartedly
for saving me the trouble
of concocting some elaborate lie
all at sea
Current mood: nervous
won’t keep me awake
i get dressed up
and walk around
it’s a new day
but it feels just like last week
the company i keep
is my cat and my glass piece
leftovers
smoke on a chain
thought bubbles
no one said it would be easy
candy coated
neatly packaged
take your watch off, man
there’s no need for time
so close to veins
there’s room
for more
junk
it’s nice out
partly cloudy
with a chance of being
smack dab in the middle
of the thermometer
thought it was raining before
felt a drop
on my face
that wasn’t mine
i’m beginning to measure age
by using ghosts
instead of years
cut me in two
count my rings
see my past
my dreams
reruns
eternal summertime
of the subconscious mind
these pants are a snug fit
this shirt is too big
sigh
words
Current mood: 
thoughtful
with hope today
we saw happiness
while we were
walking
down the street
i stopped
and flirted with her
for a little bit
we made a date
to hang out soon
when we started
walking again
hope looked at me
and said…
“dude she’s hot
you should totally
fuck her”
oh that hope
has such a way
with words
a little light
Current mood: 
guilty
will burn for
a few days
then become garbage
i turn on the light
to look on
the brighter side
not the switch light
i don’t want
the brighter side
to be that bright
the other light
will do just fine
help comes in
many forms
a happy song
a concerned parent
a compliment
many forms
i want us all
to be okay
this is wishful thinking
at it’s finest
i feel like
a restaurant owner
who accidently
poisoned
his patrons
a public apology
in a widely-read paper
a bulletin
posted around town
neither is sufficing
the poisoned are still poisoned
the damage has been done
word has spread
business is suffering
undercooked ideas
raw truths
salmonella sinks ships
chew now
taste later
die in your sleep
(k)not too high
Current mood: 
sore
round dreams
triangular expectations
people making pieces fit
we are
all of us
scared
of life
of love
of god
of being scared in general
fear causes confusion
confusion causes pain
pain causes heartache
heartache causes loss
thoughts of loss
conjure up fear
it’s a cycle you see
we all aim for the sun
most of us
end up in the sea
listen to me
playing prophet
as if my horse
ever the high one
isn’t mentally
and physically
disabled
as well
it can gallop
but does so with a limp
sounds vaguely familiar
sigh
here we are
trying to heal
and let heal
pity i’ve always
picked
at my scabs
this city
so full of memories
already
good
bad
downright ugly
over there
where i
down that block
where we
in front of that
convenience store
where it
who will
compose a tune
for the composer?
the doctor
needs
medical assistance
oh irony
iron me flat
til january
Current mood: 
stressed
i fake one
she keeps walking
i turn my face back
sitting
wishing
waiting
smoking
top of building
covered in fog
wish i was there
lightbulbs form snowflakes
on lampposts
to let us know
christmas is coming
memories of
decembers past
make me want to sleep
til january
it’s mid-november now
i could be
deep in hibernation
by the time
the calendar changes
no money
no love
but plenty
of drugs
for tonight
at least
oh tomorrow
don’t come
stay where you are
“do you have a cigarette or some spare change?”
shit
do you?
there are probably people
in this world
who don’t like me
whoever they are
they can line up
and suck my dick
one by one
guys…no biting
girls…you can bite a little bit
if you have long hair
please pull it back
into a ponytail
i like to watch
thank you
tough love
Current mood: drained
shit on my floor
to let me know
his litter box
needed to be changed
i showed him
my empty wallet
to let him know
that wasn’t possible
i then brought him
into the bathroom
and showed him
i was out of toilet paper
as well
he looked at me
with a confused face
and meowed
i pointed to the empty wallet
and said
“we can both shit happily again
when that fills back up.
but until then,
if you shit on my floor,
i will shit in my toilet
and wipe my ass
with you.”
he walked away
i think he understood
pin the pen
Current mood: 
relaxed
to write about
love anymore
i want to
write about
space travel
and
wild animals
and
superheroes
and
other
odd happy things
i want
to form
a political agenda
and beat people
over the head
with it
eh
maybe not
that
it’d still be
better than
love though
i’ve said
all i can
about it
i think
maybe there’s
more though
and i’m sure
i’ll say more
anyway
so it doesn’t
really matter
what i think or
what i say
just forget this
little diatribe
ever happened
while i go
write another
love song
the anchorman lullaby
Current mood: 
tired
it’s always daylight
people are on their way to work
some are there already
i’m on my way
to someplace else
is sleep…my job?
and if so
then what is my job?
when i wake up
and go to work
they’re all coming home
i fall asleep
watching traffic reports
on the morning news
i walk to work
through rush hour traffic
in the evening
this is strange
and strangely exciting
maybe i should
Current mood: 
bored
paper covers rock
scissors cut paper
you’d think it was quite simple
i stand
still
i stand
there are many things
that make me crave
another cigarette
hold on while i go grab one
there are many things
that remind me
of that first drag
the one you exhale
without inhaling
because it’s not as good
many things
bukowski wouldn’t have done that…
Current mood: 
blah
he woulda settled for beer and a brisk walk
even though he wanted wine
not me
i ran
high as hell
i ran
probably because of that really
i wanted wine pretty bad
8:54
they close at nine
i’ll never make it if i walk
i ran
got there in time too
was quite proud of myself in those final few strides
until i saw
they close at seven on mondays
took a seat
caught my breath
thought about buk
and realized
beer and brisk walk
ain’t that bad
i threw up a little bit before…
Current mood: indescribable
something you ingest
doesn’t sit well
with what’s inside of you
and it has to come back out
eggs
sausage
hash browns
toast
coffee
truth
right there in the toilet
for me to look at
flush
it’s 7:12 in the morning
maybe i’ll go to sleep now
maybe
poim
Current mood: indescribable
nothing ever happened
not ever happening
true story
old story
new story
old & new
HOLY BOLONEY
holy cow
holy cats
wow
whatever
to the feast
story book
book
story words
“anyway, it happened”
nothing happened
everybody invited
—jack kerouac
it’s a process
Current mood: okay
last stop
fast drop
try to separate the weeds
from the grass top
for a cash crop
there’s a profit to be made
and it’s waitin in the sun
but i’m stoppin in the shade
for a little bit
i need a break from the madness
take what i make
and debate that it’s average
scrape at the plate
til you see your own sadness
skate with the fake
it’s a great way to practice
grab this
knock it out the box spring
double up the mattress
try to play the part like an actress
memorize the lines
and recite em with precision
close your eyes
see if you can realize the director’s vision
it’s your decision
try to get a little golden statue
laugh when the world laughs at you
tip-toe slow or make a fast move
cuz there’s really no in-between
wearin glass shoes
hurt your feet
you can embrace or curse the weak
with me it tends to depend
on the day of the week
factor in what i eat
and amount of sleep
today i’m loud
tomorrow you won’t hear a peep
they say that sheep go to heaven
and goats go to hell
i try to have my cake and eat it too
so what i fell?
i got back up
cuz i ain’t hear no bell
cept the ringin in my ears
signifyin a story to tell
(iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin south philadelphia)
in a dormant haze
i would sit up in my room
just ignorin my days
i was chillin out, maxin and thinkin of ways
i could view it all as just another phase
but when i turned the page it was blank
so i wrote my own words
on occasion i drank
and i broke my own nerves
i’d throw a little bread to the birds
then i’d watch em fly away to the sky
straight up off of the curb
and wish that i could too
it’d be a way to escape
in a way that doesn’t take
a whole day to escape
somebody give me a set of wings
instead of these things we call arms
cuz down here
i’m doin nothin but harm
i’m nothin but calm before the storm
but when it hits
and i start gettin soaked
i can’t stand the shit
i can’t stand the bricks
that i’m buildin this house with
but once they’re all together
it’ll be a beautiful thing
the boy’s got a beautiful swing
too bad he’s always got his eye on the fences
and not his on-base percentage
they tell him “man, there’s no ‘i’ in ‘team’”
but there’s also no ‘i’ in ‘dream’
and that’s just what he does
it’s what he loves
it’s his gift and his curse
always tryin to float above
what he should lift up first
it’s a process
and he’s always makin progress
we’ll see what happens
at the end of the conquest
…and now it’s an empty pipe.
Current mood: 
blank
and cold
thirsty and cold
i’m dirty
and unshaven
dirty and unshaven
i’m stoned
and lazy
stoned and lazy
i’m alone
and inside
alone and inside
i’m bored
and babbling
bored and babbling
this is pointless
and repetitive
pointless and repetitive
ever look at a word and think it’s not spelled right?
i looked it up
it wasn’t
i realized today
that people like him
more than me
even people
who’ve known me
forever
probably especially
and here i thought
i was the only one
ha
he was here today
we hung out for a little bit
talked and such
he said some interesting things
sang some interesting songs
talked of future plans
he talks a lot
but it usually all makes sense
usually
i’d like to say i trust him
but either way
my life is in his hands
apparently
maybe i’m better off
not driving
for a little while
someone should
suspend
my license
things bounce around
and back
around and back
i’m gonna do something
i think
roo ms
Current mood: cold
you’re there
we’re all somewhere
paper thin walls
close in
around us
deafening silence
floats in the air
like smog
it’s thick
and heavy
you can taste it
drugs are
peace offerings
a middle ground
i wave
my white flag
to invisible monsters
wasting away again
searching for my
stolen shaker of salt
monkeys hang
they’re staring at my back
i can feel it
computerized drums
laptop production noises
we’re digital, baby
he looks for easy
needs one of those
red buttons
“wow, that was easy”
wow
that was
silly
garden state
Current mood: 
creative
i’m hittin the light of day
i try countin sheep
and end up wincin the night away
i’m freezin cold
in a pair of shorts and a thin shirt
been on my feet all night at work
now my shins hurt
i’m thinkin up new slang
to say what i feel
this inverted world can’t be real
i still care but it’s creepy now
it sorta freaks me out
how it all can just close up
and leave me out
but then a comet appears
takin flight over new jersey
lightin up the night
it’s like the gods heard me
thinkin of certain things
i shouldn’t be thinkin of
and drinkin up everything in sight
just to get a buzz
i’m kissin the lipless
and pretendin the lips exist
mine’s really not a high horse
but it sure fits
i’m just a young settler
a pilgrim
an idiot that got there first
and did his best to make things worse
man i should think first
instead of doin
then doin it later on
when the train stops movin
but it’s more fun this way
it would seem
at least so says i
i’m lookin up at a dead sky
with red eyes
the needle’s a little split
my sea legs ain’t shit
and the chute’s too narrow to slide down
i’d climb down
but it took a whole lotta effort to climb up
i’m either gonna try to squeeze
or say that i believe that i can fly
and convince myself of it
it’d be easier if i wasn’t in public
but you can’t have a private affair
in this stance you’re in
it’s like tryin to wave
with a phantom limb
and expectin a wave back
a wave that ain’t black
there’s nothin inside
but at least the safe’s cracked
the stage is packed
too bad there’s no one in the crowd
to enjoy the cacophonous sound
apocalypse now
it’s the end of the world
the red rabbits are runnin away
cause they see what’s comin today
it’s a plane comin spiralin down
and there’s a girl on the wing
screamin for help
to the gatherin crowd
but due to your algebra
she’s the motherfuckin pilot
and it’s only goin down
cause she don’t know how to fly it
when it hits the ground
you can say goodbye to the silence
it’s a weird divide
but you’ll be forced to try it
the past and pending future
depends on the now
but we’re fightin in a sack
and we can’t get out
every time i turn a square
it just turns on me
and those to come
are already gone for good
they’ll see
they’ll soon discover
that nobody’s really in control
and you think it’s makin sense
but you can feel it in your soul
that it’s not
just take it one by one all day long
so when apathy comes callin
you’ll know that it’s wrong
suddenly some ham appeared
Current mood: 
restless
fighting for space
we can be happy
underground
i could sure use a
hot meal
and i’m not really picky about
the adjective either
fuck
gimme a slim jim
i don’t care
something’s missing
something’s there
something’s stuck in my eye
two hours away
a storm is brewing
it’s big
i wonder what they’ll name it
one day
my father will
laugh with me
one day
i will die
prolonging the magic
lets the audience
study your sleeves
i used to be a man
and somewhere
along the line
i became a boy
i don’t remember
the transition
only that it
was awkward
coming of age
live
onstage
mmmm
stolen goods
pets want some
down girl
you’re reminding me
of home
this one time
Current mood: 
dirty
they say lightswitches don’t work in dreams
so i flick em on and off when things feel like they’re not what they seem
am i lucid or losin it?
found reality and didn’t know what to do with it
fell back asleep
woke up around nine or ten and tried again
stepped through the door
i was finally in
but everything went out the (hehe)
soon as i found a window
i looked out and missed feelin the wind blow
i give no excuses for things that i mean to do
sittin solo at a table sippin tea for two
waitin on my better half
and it makes the waitress laugh
when i tell her all i want is some science instead of math
so i guess my choices are limited
to what’s within the pages of the menu that’s in front of me
and when she said “what’s it gonna be?”
it meant what do i want to eat
and not what it’s gonna take to make my life complete
well after swallowin that
i realize i’m not hungry
i tell her and she points to the sign that’s right above me
i look up to see that there’s a five dollar minimum
this is the world i’m livin in
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
i’m lookin in the mirror
to convince myself it still isn’t a dream
feelin like i’m on acid again
the flashbacks are becomin routine enough that i could set my watch
so as not to miss the sky start to melt at seven o’clock
a veteran stops bein respected
the second he sets foot outside of the country that he protected
and all that he can do is accept it
forget about his past and become another mark on a checklist
he’s just a slash, a notch, a part of a tally
just another politician at a partisan rally
and it starts in the alley but it ends up in the main road
all you gotta do to join the other side is change clothes
i use the payphone to phone home
an extra-terrestrial with nowhere to go
nowhere to hold near and dear to my heart to make it beat right
in some old shoes that never fit my feet right
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
i’m losin a day by wakin
way after places stop servin bacon and eggs
and the shakin in my legs
is the caffeine runnin through my veins
like i got an i.v. hooked up to the coffee shop a block away
…been thinkin a lot today…
thought about the army
but i was fuckin high
(i smoked a lot today)
caught a bus outta rockaway
can’t wait to get home
so i can throw these motherfuckin socks away
i haven’t changed in a couple of days
i need to shit, shower and shave
i look like i came out of a cave
this whole world is a stage
i play the part
of a vampire livin with a stake in his heart
i suck blood
they mistake it as art
and take it apart
the party’s in reverse
there was cake at the start
and everybody wants to have it and eat it too
but give it to em on a platter with no fork
and they don’t know what to do
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
(-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-. = chorus)
chorus =
for every ray of sunshine
i’m standin on the frontlines
wonderin how some find
the energy to unwind
this one time i saw what’s at the bottom of it all
but i shifted my attention to a pretty red ball
now i’m bouncin along
there’s a skip in my step
i got a childlike gift to forget what’s makin me upset
this one time i almost had it all but i threw it away
so now i keep whatever chooses to stay
son…what have you done?
Current mood: indescribable
but i can’t afford bullets
so i’m stickin my piece in the microwave until it’s
hot enough to spread cheer
for the rest of the year
i look above and i see a flock of doves
there goes the fear
but here comes the pounding in my brain
cause i’m caught by the river and it all feels the same
standin at the crossroads
starin at a buncha lost souls
this is the last broadcast
it’s where it all goes…
into the abyss
and it’s givin me a kiss
but i don’t know how to take it
cause it isn’t on the lips
do i turn the other cheek?
do i try to get some sleep?
i can try my best to tweak
the alignment on the jeep
but it steers me wrong
and doesn’t go where i say it should
something’s missin under the hood
this isn’t good
buckle up, everybody
cause we’re goin off the road
i just hope that when we hit the ground
the car doesn’t explode
morning advocate
Current mood: 
exhausted
to open my eyes
and make the most of light
a smarter man
could pull this off
wonder how i’ll fare
so beautiful
i wonder what
she’s thinking about
jobs
shoes
money
relationships
an angry voice
from elsewhere
speaks volumes
at high volumes
it’s a shame
what happened
and how it happened
that’s what
they’ll say
and i’m sure
they’ll say more
step right up
hate the stranger
win a prize
it’s all backwards
except for the
forward-facing realizations
beg borrow steal
am i nothing
if not blind?
deaf
to the sounds
of a dying dream
numb
from the gleam
of the in-between
dumb
i know
save your sermons
chase your own tail
now turn around
and see if it chases you back
bet it doesn’t
will it be the ones
who knew me well
that sit with me
on my bus to hell?
they’ll stare out the windows
and see where i’ve been
they’ll walk in my shoes
as a means to an end
they’ll see where they fit in
but never know why
they had been selected
to grieve when i die
my
you all must be
so bored by now
my
apologies
a director never realizes
his story drags
until he sees
the audience
start to yawn
and fall asleep
it’s all exciting to him
you see
it’s his story
history
go away
please come back
go away
please come back
there are fools
who believe in me
just like
i’m a fool
for thinking i can
make problems disappear
just because i have moments
when they’re not there
my wishful thinking
will lead you right back
to the gallows
every time
it’s like
i’m never satisfied
unless i’m inflicting
as much pain
as i’m feeling
you’re always hit
by accident
but you’re still
always hit
the shooter
shouldn’t have a gun
but for some reason
he does
there’s no need
to hide
anymore
i guess
it’s over
and
it’s over
garbage man
Current mood: 
quixotic
for
inconsistency
oh sweet element
of surprise
bury me
with care
pulling the pin out now
duck
some will say this is crap
some will only think it
some won’t care at all
some will find
gold
in them tharr hills
there are differences
within the similarities
they keep the whole thing spinning
pistons pumping
gears doing what gears do
the engine is fine
it gets from
point a
to point b
what
does any of this
mean?
here comes the vomit
the mop is over there
you know what to do
how the fuck did i cut my finger?
the candle
provides more
than light
these random observations
will be the death
of your eyes
if only every cigarette
tasted as good
as this one
if only every seat
was as comfortable
if only the possibilities
were as endless
it’s time to sow the seeds of love
it’s time to wear the gardner’s glove
yeah
it’s about that time
now about that line
oh well
whatever
nevermind
here come the keyboards
can you hear them?
i know you can
your head is nodding
you like this song
everything relocates
even if it doesn’t move
it would be profound
if i wasn’t a hack
hack
hack
hacking away
this tree will fall
oh yes
watch me now
if i wave one arm
will the other feel underappreciated?
should i then wave that one too?
shapes
colors
warm
fuzzy
there’s a dove
trying to cry
just to see what it’s like
hiding on a branch
obscured by leaves
waiting for fall
to fall
memories here and there
of memories here
and there
on occasion
they’re side by side
with enough room in between
that i can keep walking
without going around
but sometimes
a couple of blocks
are added to my walk
taxis cost money
that i don’t have
and i can’t smoke in them
trains don’t go everywhere
lord knows where i’d be
if i could drive
something’s gotta give
something’s gotta live
drunk behind the wheel
running with a shiv
nights like these
where my mind’s on shuffle
are dangerous to logic
and only bring trouble
<br>the time for sleep
is now
take me out
Current mood: 
determined
seriously outweighs
this rum
i’m gonna finish it
then wine about it
two hours away
the sun is rising
and ignoring the moon
trying to shine
trying to find
the world it thinks
it’s left behind
but what of the moon?
what of the balance it brings?
what of the logistics?
solving equations
testing your patience
i’ve known no other way
i’m staring into a hole
wondering how far i’d fall
if i jumped into it
i can’t see the bottom
which is bad
but i know it’s there
which provides a little comfort
i guess
broken bones
head trauma
a jedi fears not these things
maybe i’ll use the force
happiness is an occupied house
a man’s place
with a woman’s touch
sometimes there’s a future
sometimes there’s a past
sometimes they collide
and the axis spins too fast
this particular ride
is in dire need of some maintenance
but if we turn it off now
before closing time
the children still waiting in line
will cry
and no amount of cotton candy
will be able to stop the tears
“here, have some funnelcake”
“i don’t want funnelcake…i want to ride the ride”
wow
somebody should lay off
the drugs
lay offs
drugs
now what?
now where?
now how?
now
why?
ask him
for he has
all the answers
ha
you’d think so
“she’s not a fan…nor am i famous”
george michael bluth
Current mood: 
high
wash over me
watch
a colder me
emerge
no
not colder
just older
you want what you want
you get what you pay for
even when you’re broke
sometimes especially
when the movie ends
the credits roll
no matter how it ended
frames on dressers
and walls
show us who
and what
and sometimes when
we can estimate that
if it’s not obvious
but can only wonder
the whys
there’s only a half sip
left in the can
and i have no ashtray
…but i am still thirsty…
takemetoanotherplace
takemetoanotherland
makemeforgetallthathurtsme
don’t drive angry
Current mood: tired
can’t see daylight
through window rolly thingie
ahh…just as well
wind is blowing
thingie is moving
that’s all i know
politics on television
it’s the new sports
bout to slam dunk my face
into what’s left of this
old warm flat
rum and coke
and fall asleep
oh just knock the building down already…
Current mood: exhausted
the heir apparent to nothing
an unpaid bill away from being phoneless
seven days until they shut off my internet
can’t even afford a fucking pack of cigarettes
it’s cold and there’s a couple months of winter left
i sit and stress about the wrong things
my mood swings like a pendulum
i make big plans and then can’t remember them
i still got fans but can’t stop offendin them
they’re constantly gettin asked
“why you defendin him?”
but there is no answer
it’s just that they can still remember when it all was easy
and when i said something people actually believed me
i wish i could’ve left with respect
instead of being the town mess
now whenever i go back
nobody’s willing to forget
a bunch of things that had nothing to do with them
either that or they just smile and pretend
rubber eyes
Current mood: blah
bed kinda works
but i’m not that tired yet
should be
could be
i guess
but why force it?
let it happen
let it ride
i took the hit
to feel better
but the hit was too big
and my plan backfired
cough
rub eyes
massage temple
so much crap here
how am i gonna get it all out?
where am i gonna put it all?
do i leave the garbage?
do i leave the dirty dishes in the sink?
do i need the dishes?
?uestions
answers
cancer
*flicks lighter*
*inhales*
*stares off into space*
this isn’t my room
Current mood: 
sick
what to do
where to go
but it’s not this
and not this
and not here
i’m not okay
this is my fuckin chemical romance
a wallflower on the prowl for a slow dance
everything i write looks like some sort of suicide note
i guess it’s because parts of me keep dying
these aren’t my words
they’re the words of the parts of me that keep falling off
metaphoric limbs and scabs with vocal chords
my blog gets as many views as my music page some days
it’s got more today
and i didn’t even post anything yet
lol
let’s look for some insight into how charlie’s feeling
who’s charlie with?
what’s charlie saying about us?
because one or two people obviously equals an entire group
such generalizations
i live directly off of broad street
even when i don’t
prince charles came to philadelphia
the night before this charles came back to new jersey
both places ended up having to shut down a few blocks
to deal with all the hoopla
this is how i’m feeling, people
nothing cryptic
not today
no money
mo problems
can i borrow a dollar?
better yet
gimme five hundred
and i’ll go away again
reservations
Current mood: 
full
another on another
electricity at it’s finest
disgusting really
but in a lovely way
sigh
don’t ask how it got this way
don’t search for metaphors either
it is what it is
oh bother
where art thou?
there you are
hello
no home
hey man can i sleep over
no homo
?
the hell time is it anyway?
don’t look at the corner of the screen
you don’t want to know
you look
you chuckle
at yourself
you chuckle
at a lot
candle…uneven…somebody didn’t hug it…hug it…hug it…like a child…hug it so it knows it’s loved…love…love…love…i love things…i love people…i love things that people do…i love things that people don’t do…i love things that i don’t do…i don’t do a lot…i don’t do more than i do actually…well certain things…and certain other things…sigh…i don’t know what i’m talking about…about…about…it’s always about something…or not about something…knot…i never learned how to tie my shoes with just the one bunny loop method…i still use the two bunny ears…some people think it’s cute…others will probably laugh…laugh…laugh…what else can you do but laugh…chuckle…chuckle…
hey
watch out for that
stream
i’m still awake
it’s no surprise really
but i’m smiling at the moment
so i guess it’s okay
growing pains
Current mood: 
groggy
yearning to be where things make sense
the cups in the cabinet above the stove
are impossible to reach
without climbing up onto the counter
flat soda
warm too
nothing else
my body hurts
so does my head
words come out in spurts
it’s time for bed
postcard from the edge
Current mood: indescribable
wading through snow
the water is heavy
nothing is over
but everything might be
yes everything
i got nothing
carry on
Friday, February 03, 2006
to
Friday, February 16, 2007
r.i.p. phameless slug
